Memento Mori: How Remembering Death Can Help You Live Better

In the Mahabharata, there’s a famous scene by a lake. A mysterious being, a yaksha, asks Yudhishthira a long series of riddles. One of them is: “What is the greatest wonder in the world?”

Yudhishthira answers that every day, countless living beings go to the abode of death, and yet those who remain behave as if they will live forever. What could be more wonderful than that?

It’s a striking answer, and it’s still true. We know life is limited. We just rarely let ourselves feel it. Many philosophical traditions have suggested that remembering our mortality, gently and regularly, is one of the best ways to live well. In Latin, this practice is called memento mori: “remember that you will die”.

An old idea in many places

The idea appears across cultures and centuries.

• The Stoics. The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote reminders to himself in the notebook we now call the Meditations. In one passage he tells himself that he could leave life at any moment, and that this should shape what he does, says and thinks. Seneca, another Stoic, wrote that life isn’t short so much as we waste a great deal of it.
• The Upanishads. In the Katha Upanishad, a boy named Nachiketa goes to Yama, the lord of death, and asks him what happens after we die. The conversation that follows is one of the great Indian texts about what is lasting and what is not.
• Buddhism. Reflection on death (maranasati) is a traditional meditation practice, meant to loosen our grip on what doesn’t last and turn us towards what matters.
• Ancient Greece. In Plato’s Phaedo, Socrates suggests that philosophy itself is a kind of preparation for death.

None of these traditions wanted people to be miserable. They saw remembering death as a way to wake up to life.

Why it helps rather than harms

It sorts the important from the urgent

When time feels endless, we put off what matters and spend our days on what’s merely loud. Remembering that time is limited makes it easier to see which worries are small and which relationships and hopes are large.

The psychologist Laura Carstensen developed what’s called socioemotional selectivity theory. Her research suggests that when people feel their time is limited, whether because of age, illness or a big change, they tend to focus more on emotionally meaningful goals and close relationships, and less on impressing others.

It softens grudges

It’s hard to stay angry about a minor slight when you remember that neither of you will be here forever. Mortality has a way of shrinking our quarrels.

It reminds us to say things now

The palliative care worker Bronnie Ware wrote about the regrets her patients shared near the end of their lives. Her book is a personal account rather than a scientific study, but its themes are familiar: people wished they had lived more true to themselves, worked less, expressed their feelings and stayed in touch with friends. Remembering death is a way of acting on those lessons while there is still time.

How to practise memento mori gently

This practice should feel steadying, not frightening. If you are grieving or going through a hard time, it’s fine to leave it for later.

• A morning question. Ask: “If this were one of my last ordinary days, what would I want to do with it?” You don’t have to change everything, just notice the answer.
• The last-time reflection. Every so often, think: “This might be one of the last times I do this.” It can turn an ordinary meal with your parents or a walk with a friend into something precious.
• A small reminder. Some people keep a simple object nearby, such as a stone, a picture or a line written on a card, as a quiet nudge.
• An evening review. Before sleep, ask what mattered today and what didn’t. Tomorrow, try to give a little more time to the first.

Frequently asked questions

Isn’t thinking about death depressing?

It can be if it turns into dwelling or fear. The traditional practice is brief and purposeful: a short reminder that leads you back to living well. If thoughts about death are causing you distress or making daily life hard, please talk to a doctor or counsellor.

Is memento mori only a Stoic idea?

No. The Latin phrase is linked with Western traditions, but similar practices are found in Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Islamic and many other teachings. The shared idea is that remembering life’s limits helps us use it wisely.

How often should I practise it?

A few moments a day or a few times a week is plenty. The aim is perspective, not preoccupation.

A small step for today

Tonight, ask yourself one question: “Who would I want to speak to if I knew my time was short?” Then, if you can, call or message that person tomorrow. Not because time is running out, but because it’s precious.

Sources and further reading

• Marcus Aurelius. Meditations. Translated by Gregory Hays (2002). Modern Library.
• Seneca. On the Shortness of Life. Translated by C. D. N. Costa (2005). Penguin Great Ideas.
• Katha Upanishad. In Eknath Easwaran (trans.), The Upanishads (2007). Nilgiri Press.
• Carstensen, L. L., Isaacowitz, D. M., & Charles, S. T. (1999). Taking time seriously: A theory of socioemotional selectivity. American Psychologist, 54(3), 165–181.
• Ware, B. (2012). The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Hay House.